Stage Fright Support Group

When I was little becoming an actor never crossed my mind. I’m not one of those people who knew they wanted to be on stage or screen since they were 5. In fact, it wasn’t until I was 15 that I was in a full-length play, and even then, was only cast because they needed a replacement after the original girl caught the flu. Don’t get me wrong, I have always loved the theatre and thought it would be an exciting thing to be a part of, but my nerves usually got the better of me… and they still do.

I get nervous EVERYTIME I get in front of people no matter how little or large the group is. (Seriously, I almost failed my speech class in my undergrad because of it.) It’s something I thought would fade away after a while, but it hasn’t even dimmed a flicker. It takes a while during every performance for my nerves to die down enough for my brain to compute to the rest of my body that I am okay. When I tell people this they are always amazed. They say I seem nothing but confident when I hit the stage, and it’s a good thing otherwise I would be a terrible actress. The truth is, however, that the thing I love doing the most is also the thing that scares me the most. Crazy right?

For a while after I finished my undergrad I went through a season where my nerves got the better of me. I would be on my way to an audition and then turn around because I couldn’t build up the strength to put myself out there in front of someone else. I felt defeated and like I would never be able to get passed it. I looked around at my friends who were killing it and always ready for the next audition and felt isolated. Was I the only one feeling this, and how can someone who wants to be an actress feel this way?

So, I began to look into different professions. I considered becoming a hairdresser, a makeup artist, a fulltime nanny… anything to keep me from having to be in front of people again, but nothing ever satisfied me and I always found myself gravitating back to the theatre.

So, I thought maybe I could find another way in to ease my nerves and that’s when I began to write. I started taking sketch writing classes at the Upright Citizens Brigade in NYC and fell in love all over again. It was a way for me to dive into characters and imagine different worlds without actually having to be in them. From there I began to write longer one-acts, but the craving to play these characters came back. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide from this desire forever, so I started researching ways to get over stage fright.

I found lots of unhelpful seminars and books, but one day when I wasn’t even looking for it I found exactly what I needed to hear from the mouth of Gillian Anderson.

“It is not a matter of being fearless. The fear is sometimes constant, but it’s about moving forward regardless of the fear. Courage means feeling the fear and doing it anyway.”

Gillian Anderson, one of my favourite actresses came out about how she is constantly nervous with any project she does and no matter how long she has been in this business it never goes away. To myself I was thinking ‘Yes, you heard that correctly. GILLIAN FREAKING ANDERSON goes through the same thing you do.’

I then was listening to a podcast where Laura Linney, another of the amazing actresses I love, talked about her journey with stage fright. She almost dropped out of JULLIARD because of it and said she still gets it every time she performs.

I was not alone. This wasn’t something that was wrong with me and it WAS possible to have these feelings and be an actor anyway. I felt renewed and began pushing through the fear and within a few weeks was back on stage. Don’t get me wrong. There were days when I wanted to turn around and leave the audition waiting room, but I learned to use the fear and anxiety in the pieces I performed. I learned a way to combated the fear and use it in a way that benefitted me instead of crippled me.

After a while I started to discuss my random sabbatical from acting with my acting friends and hugely to my surprise found out some of them felt the same way. I had been feeling alone when the people I cared most about where right there with me. Why had I felt so ashamed? Why hadn’t I just talked to people about it instead of hiding behind other random jobs?

I learned that I had wasted a whole year of my life just because I wasn’t willing to speak. So now I am speaking LOUD and CLEAR (although still nervous about it) in the off chance there is someone else out there hear that they are not alone and it is possible to feel the fear and do it anyway.

So, let’s start a Stage Fright Support Group. I’ll go first.

Hello. My name is Chelsea Paige and I am a stage fright ridden actress of 29 years, but I do it anyway.